Your body is a wonderland
TRIGGER WARNING: Eating Disorders will be discussed in detail in this blog post. If you are in recovery or battling your ED right now please know that I love you, I’m praying for you extra hard this week, I believe in you, and it is never my intention to put you in a dark place- only light, always.
Remember the people in your life who felt like home. Why did they feel like that for you? Was it their small waist, tiny arms, proportionate ankles, and full C perky boobs? Mostly likely NOT. Most likely it was their warmth, their heart on their sleeve ready to love you, the way they smelled like comfort, their ability to be gentle and strong while making you feel so important and special. These people in your life made you want to be like them, they molded the foundation for how you love yourself and others. At some point in our development we lost focus. We stopped thinking about that warmth and got so cold towards ourselves. We started seeking different destinations- the butt, the boobs, the “dream guy/girl”, “perfection.”
Perfection is garbage. Perfection forces us to forget about who we are in God and to seek only who the world says we should be. Reminder: God says we are FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY MADE. Our bodies are the dwelling place for the Holy Spirit which means we have the power to speak either life or death over ourselves and others.
Here are ways that we speak death over ourselves everyday:
“Ugh, why is my face breaking out!”
“If I could just lose 5 lbs I would be good.”
“I can’t wear that. I hate my legs.”
“ I wish I looked like _______.”
“I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I hate myself.”
“For some reason I just can’t get my fat ass to work out.”
“I would never show my arms in public. If I can’t stand to look at them I’m not gonna make other people.”
That last one stings. Truth is, I’ve said all of those things. My whole life up until the past two years, I have been at war with my body. I’ve made myself sick, stood in the mirror for what felt like hours pulling at my body trying to imagine what I’d look like if it was “how it should be.” I’ve compared myself to pretty much every living creature around me. I’ve used food as a weapon against myself. At my lowest, I went to the Starbucks on my college campus and ordered a latte. I remember looking up the calories and realizing that the 248 calories I had just consumed had to be the only thing I put into my body that day. I lost 30 lbs in a month, vomited all over the side of my friends car when she picked me up to drive me home because I was too weak to drive myself there. Over the course of that year I began shitting blood- For lack of a more advanced medical term. When you starve yourself for an extended period of time your organs can physically shift while fighting for strength and nourishment. When your digestive systems shifts or fights that hard for too long, you can develop lifelong digestive issues. This year is the first year that I’ve had pain free potty experiences. Was it worth it to be miserable and a size 6? Do you know how much more beautiful a happy size 12 is?
I say all of this to tell you that I’m not some girl who was born with ridiculous confidence and self-love. I didn’t love my body at 12 or 17 or even 21. I was actually quite RUDE to my body. My own bully in a lot of ways.
We can all be our own bullies without even realizing it. It’s the little things. The small talk that makes all the difference. Talking negatively about your appearance is a contagious virus that we pass on to each other like an STI. I’ve decided I’m making negative self-talk an STI. Instead of sexually transmitted infection we’re gonna call it a spiritually transmitted infection because it destroys our spirits.
How do you get rid of your STI? Honestly, it’s a “fake it 'til you make it” kinda thing.Relearning how to see yourself is countercultural. Our whole world is feeding us images and expectations for how we "should" look. Find out why you love the women/men in your life. What is it about them that you love. Then think about why they love you. Nobody loves you simply because you have a flat tummy and a fat ass. Let me repeat that nobody loves you because your body rocks. Nobody. They love you because you are funny, inspiring, encouraging, bring out the best in them, make them feel fun/more alive, make them think, teach them, make them laugh, keep their secrets, have their back, etc. Think about how lovable you are. Start looking up body positive leaders/quotes/books. Fill your mind with the body positive world. Fill your life with women and men who don’t shame and bash themselves all day long.
One of the worst things we do is negate the compliments we are given. Words have power. Those which we think, we then become. If someone says “you look so gorgeous!” don’t say “No. I had like 5 minutes to get ready I can’t believe I left the house like this.” Where did those powerful words someone spoke to your soul just go? Out the window. Now your soul holds onto the words “I can’t believe I left the house like this”. When someone compliments or encourages you, take a moment and put your hand on your heart (sounds corny but think about it!) Put your hand on your heart until you brain learns how to accept the compliment without physically having to “put it in your heart”. I still do this! Just say “thank you.” even if it hurts. Even if it makes you wanna scream. “Thank you.” You’ll learn how to be kind to yourself when you let others be kind to you, too!
When your girlfriends are getting ready to go out and they are just ripping themselves to shreds, stop the madness. Every time you hear someone putting themselves down, bring them back into the moment. Say “HEY! Say sorry to yourself! Now say I love you.” haha! Trust me ALL of my friends do this now and it’s changed my life. When I’m alone in a dressing room and being unkind to myself I will literally say “sorry self, love you!” Remember the little girl that lives in you. “Little Emmy" does not deserve to be talked to that way. What would you say to a young girl looking at you as her idol? You would certainly not say “you’d be super pretty with smaller arms and abs.” You would say “you.are.perfect.” Because you are, she is.
Whether you are a size 2, 12, or 22, you hold the power of GOD inside your beautiful body. Your body has the ability to do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us. How about thanking your body for keeping you healthy, allowing you to sleep, allowing you to run, allowing you to breathe, allowing you to make love, allowing you to make babies! I mean come on, don’t you think we’re selling ourselves a little short talking about the size of our legs when our legs have carried us through every milestone that has made us who we are?
Your body is a part of your purpose. Maybe you’re supposed to have big old hips because you’re going to be sitting so many children on them as you show them how to love and how to be loved. Maybe it’s important that you have tiny tiny legs because your daughter is going to have them and the assholes are going to call her “chicken legs” in 5th grade but mama will know what to say because she’s got your legs. You will be the hands of God for her because you walked in her shoes.
Very recently I started to seriously love my body. I changed my relationship with food by being more mindful about how it made me feel after eating it. I learned that I need more water than a fish needs in order to be happy. I need lots of fruits and veggies because they curb my cravings for an entire cake which would give me the worlds most insane stomach pains and headache. I learned to care about how food makes me feel. Not to only care about how it makes me look! Food isn’t a weapon it is a necessity to live. Find the foods that make you feel most alive. They’re more important than you think.
Remember, the small talk is important. I started to think about my hands; I love my hands. Being 3,000 miles away from my mom has made me really happy to have her hands to make me feel like a mini her when I’m feeling far.
Your stretch marks are your prize for growing and becoming. We pay so much money for tattoos/body art yet we hate the natural body art we won from doing life? Who decided that cellulite was ugly? Why did we give them that power? Everybody wants the cute cheek dimples and lower back dimples but if your butt cheeks and thighs have some cute little dimples and texture then you've got work to do? Fall in love with your stripes & dimples. They're your victory ribbon for becoming who you've always wanted to be.
I was MADE to have hips and an ass as big as my dreams. My journey to my purpose would’ve been completely different had I loved myself from the START. Learning to know and love your body is a huge part of learning to know and love your life and purpose.
If you wouldn’t say it to your daughter/"littlest you" then don’t say it to yourself.
You are captivating. Your body tells your story. Your body has carried you through your entire existence. That’s where you live and that’s where God lives.
